I'm not sure how long I’ve been feeling this way, but it seems that each day that passes is a day that I am even more tired of everyone and everything that reminds me of you. I wish I could be with you someday. Hours seem so long lasting. They drown me inside in ways that you could never imagine. I try dreaming of you but that’s bad on my part to conceive such impish things in my mind. It is just not appropriate and not good for a child of God. I should be just content of what I have and the enclosed self within me. There is so much to tell you that I could not convey because of the lack of courage and to add a dilemma of having language barrier, I supposed.
And while in this infinite abyss we wait for the day in which we can just escape.. to you.
I can’t stand this storm inside me. The city seems to be deserted just by my hard pounding thoughts. Weird people run without stopping, at my back are this intense universe that can’t seem to stop. Days seem grey. Everything seems mute while I cry because of stupid reasons that just make me angrier inside. It’s weird but I’m mad for letting myself fall for you, even though you did not warn me nor did anything to show love. How could you do this to me? I’ve tried to be a good friend to you but it seemed all pointless because you were just dumb, so helpless me and I do not have anyone to turn to right now. All are just uttered to the sky and letting God hear my heart cries, summoning to release the pain and the prolonged agony inside.
I have evidences of SMS and chat messages about what you feel for me and I am so much holding on to it. These are my pillar of strength while Jesus is at the other end of my life’s rope. I wouldn’t mind which ones are real or false truths. It is like happiness but soaked in desperations and loneliness. Too much of incompetent notions but the heart feels and instincts add to it. It is I think a simple gesture of “I’m about to screw you over big time honey!”. How pitiful of me then to receive such acts where all I showed was kindness and love. And what was I supposed to do? I was stuck in between you and a hard place, we won't talk about the hard place. You don't have an idea about this feeling, and yes you do.
But I don't blame you if there is too much pain to start with. Sometimes I feel like you keeping me half dead, inside my head. To be honest, I can see I'm not the woman whom I should be. It’s how you wanted it to be, it’s like you’re playing a joke on me, and am I losing a friend.. in the end?
Aprovechando que está aqui..
Tenemos esa inquietud de aprender cosas nuevas..
Estar inquieto por no sentir el dolor..
Making the most of being here.
We have the need to learn new things.
To feel restless so not to feel the pain..
Quoting from Lord Byron's Letter to his Beloved Caroline:
"..God knows I wish you happy, & when I quit you, or rather when you from a sense of duty to your husband & mother quit me, you shall acknowledge the truth of what I again promise & vow, that no other in word or deed shall ever hold the place in my affection which is & shall be most sacred to you, till I am nothing."
My heart would like to utter the same words and I want to thank our Lord Jesus Christ for letting me meet you and become a part of my life. If ever the saddest moment comes that I quit you, always hold on to Jesus Christ because He will certainly comfort you to replace a lost place of me in your heart. If you will then fall in love to another woman, may you keep that love, nourish with constant communication and culture it with sweetness so you won't feel any pain anymore. All my prayers are here in my mind and heart. iloveyou honey pooh. Take care and God bless us all.
I want someone who will stay with me, no matter how hard it is to be with me.. i wish to create a Christian love with him.. :[
You know you're growing mature when you start making decisions; weighing things that are more important and practical than the usual... ;]
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