An Almost Oblivious

Rather than spending virtual quality time on her special day, I have thought of going afar to do things for my own personal benefit. I am indeed an oblivious selfish human being. It is accepted truth that she doesn't always have the best or the happiest birthday because it falls on summer vacation. It is a common event to celebrate birthdays with treats, foods, and games at school if school days is not over yet. She does not experience the same occassion. This year, she had something special, something different than her previous celebrations. It is a special day that people remember, to give thanks to LORD JESUS for His wonderful gift of a valuable happy life. I had some small requests that she considered as presents for her birthday. The requests were asked two months ago so she can enjoy doing her hobbies. It is always a parent's goal to give anything that we think can make our kid happy. It is to kindle a foundation of a bondage to keep you  close with them. It is a matter of controlling the response of requests for material stuff, a sort of trying to win their heart. If you're a parent, you have an very strong instinct that they will positively benefit on anything they will have. I have a great offspring and she deserves some treat once in a while. A parent will know if requests are too much but she is very different maybe  because like me as her parent, I did not have the luxury of you-can-have-it-all thing. She understands why I am where I am, why I am doing this job, she really knows what we only have and things which can only have. 

I am in a middle of taking steps towards being a GODly parent. Her situation of loosing a father is different than mine. I lost him when I was six and I did not have a chance to be raised by a dad. But I have such a GREAT MOTHER of all and I got her from JESUS. I don't know how my kid feels, what she really thinks, and what are those personal knocks on her heart knowing she is now being a product of a broken relationship. It's my first time today to blame the situation again which would push back to blaming myself of my past mistakes. I know deeply in my heart that GOD have forgiven me already a very long time ago. I know He did that because you won't feel condemned and because you are not doing the same mistakes again. You put barriers but it is for own sake and nothing is in my mind at the moment other than fulfulling my duties to GOD as a mother, sister, daughter, a bestfriend, a friend, an employee, a co-worker, a bread-winner, a confidante, and a somebody. 

I would not want to become oblivious of anything about her, for her, and to her. 

••For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38, 39 KJV)

I decided that I won't drive to Highland, IN this weekend until the USA Memorial Day. I have my personal reasons, and one of them is to patiently wait for her every Skype video call. I decided to sleep late and match my body clock with Manila time to be with her virtually. I hear her "thank you so much. iloveyou!" a lot of times and that really makes my heart chuffed."